Best activity in below freezing weather: locking yourself out

What, with the beginning of that title you thought I was going to say something lusty?

Unfortunately something lusty was not possible as hubby is out of town. Hence the locking myself out. In 23 degree weather. Do. Not. Recommend.

See, my friend is having a birthday party tomorrow. And I am a GOOD FRIEND so I am baking her cupcakes (at some point I’ll try to blame this on her [even though no one asked me to bring cupcakes]) but tonight, Friday, at 7pm I realized I didn’t have any mix or frosting and I already have tons of things I have to do before the party tomorrow. So again, with hubby out of town, I thought a quick run to the grocery and cupcake baking sounded like a great way to spend my Friday night. Also I would obviously eat at least 6 cupcakes myself tonight. Et voila, parfait Friday night plans!

Yeah. Notsomuch.

I grab the car keys and house keys off the counter, walk out the door and closes it behind me, automatically locking the door handle. But the deadbolt needs to be manually locked so I pull the keys out of my pocket to lock it. I have car keys. I have no house keys.


We never gave anyone else in DC an extra set of keys. We’ve talked about it, but never did it. So in less than 30 seconds I’m googling “lock smith dc” on my iPhone. When, in the middle of my googling, a message pops up on my iPhone screen: “Less than 10% battery remaining.”


My situation, only minus the waves. And on a DC sidewalk in 23 degree weather. As you may recall I don’t always have the best of luck.

So we live in a townhouse with two condos, being locked out with my phone dying I’d like to get inside. With someone I know, where I can sit down, and borrow their phone. So I knock on my neighbor’s door and wait a sec. No answer. But I can hear the TV through the door – I’ve been in his condo before as we’re friendly, he invited us to a party even! – and I know the sofa and tv are right next to the front door. Not only can I hear the TV through the door, but I can hear the ticking of the clock on 60 Minutes that’s how easily sound travels through the door. So I wait another 30 seconds and knock again. Louder, a police knock, if you will. Nada. Several minutes later I knock again! Zilch. I guess we’re not as friendly as I thought? He’s our age and although we didn’t know each other before we bought our condos, it turned out we even have friends in common!

Fuck it, either way I have to call the lock-smith ASAP so I just have to hope my 9% battery will get me through it. No time for Yelp research or scrolling through websites, I click on the first one that shows up and a very nice lady answers, asks for my address, and says someone will call and confirm he’s on his way. He called (yay 7% battery!) and showed up just over an hour later. Honestly, it could have been so much worse! I just really wish my goddamn neighbor would have opened up his fucking door! Sorry this is a very profanity laced post. But I know he was in there. If I could hear every word on 60 Minutes about Social Security, if I could hear him switch the channel to a basketball game, if I could hear his exclamations of “nice shot!” and “traveling!” then he could damn well hear my knock and hear me calling the locksmith!

So when the locksmith did arrive, I quite clearly said, “Thank you so much for coming out on a Friday night! I would have hated to be stuck much longer since I knocked on my neighbor’s door several times and no one answered!” I may or may not have repeated that several times as he drilled open my lock. Passive aggressive much? Yes.

Apparently we had a high security lock. Which costs more to open. Hence the drilling. $240 total!!! Dammit, hubby is going to kill me :( Plus the cost to replace the door knob and lock. The locksmith said a lower security lock would be closer to $100 for him to open. Whyyy couldn’t we have been less safe and less responsible and gotten a crappy lock??? Hmm maybe I can blame this on hubby somehow since he replaced the door knob that came with the house with a new, higher security one when we moved in? And blame it on my friend that I was buying the cake mix for. This never would have happened if it weren’t for her birthday!!!

So fuck, $240 in the hole. Turns out I did not have the best Friday plan after all.

And there goes me getting a mani-pedi tomorrow. Maybe I can use that time I thought I would be busy to bake my friend cupcakes after all.

In conclusion: *sadface*

Second conclusion: fuck you, neighbor. When we give our extra set of keys to someone, because obviously we definitely need to! It will not be you. Hope you enjoyed 60 Minutes. Jerk.


8 Responses

  1. What a horrible neighbor!

    Maybe you should set the lock so it won’t automatically lock :(

  2. oh hell to the no!!!! no more Lusty friendliness for that asshole.

  3. Sorry you have a d-bag for a neighbor. I would totally blame him!

  4. Janicu: ive convinced myself he didn’t hear me, otherwise ill never be able to look him in the eye again…

    not having an automatic lock would be a genius idea!

    Jessica: maybe he was in the bathroom? or the kitchen? i just cant believe he would have heard me and not answered!!!!

    Sara: basically i just need to blame *someone* so its not my fault ;)

  5. Wow, I’m so sorry you’re stuck w/ that kind of neighbor. I hope today was a good one!

  6. Omg..I can’t believe your neighbor didn’t hear you!!!

    And it has been SO fucking cold in this area! <—I used fuck just for you ;)


  7. Maybe it wasn’t your neighbor that was home. Perhaps he had a friend over, watching the place and the friend didn’t feel the need to answer the door.

    I like hide-a-keys where you have the little case that has a magnet on the bottom, you can then snap them underneath the car, etc. Unless you know someone really well, I wouldn’t give a key to them.

  8. […] Posted on March 9, 2011 by Lusty Reader So I didn’t tell you happened after I locked myself out in January…sigh…ok y’all read my last post (from over a month ago *sadface*) […]

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